Do you ever just sit, awake at night. Alone. With only your thoughts, and the sounds of the crickets and other night creatures. It seems overwhelming, the thoughts. The ones you should never have, the ones where you fall in love with the wrong person. Feel like you should run away, cry, scream, and curse yourself to death for not being the good girlfriend you should be. The one who falls for the person who's been in my life for a year and a half. The one who's there, hugging me constantly and checking up to see if I'm okay when I don't text her for awhile. The one who cried when I told her of my "deal" with my mom and my cutting. The one who I've been in love with since I've met her.
THE ONE I SHOULDN'T LOVE.
It's hard loving two people at once. It's hard to feel so many things when you look at one, and when you talk to the other via text, or even Deviantart. The one who's always got my back, even though she's miles away.
And the one who's got my back, here.
My dearest loves. The ones who my heart belongs to.
But there's one who I've pledged to. That's I'll forever love, even if thing go south.
The one who I'll love no matter what. The friend.
The one who I'm dating
The one who I'm best friends with
THE FUCKING EMOTIONS I SHOULDN'T HAVE FOR A FRIEND. THE ONES WHO SNEAK UP, EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE WHO I LOVE. THE ONES THAT MAKE MY HEART ACHE FROM LONELINESS, OR FROM A YEARNING FOR A HUG. A KISS.
FOR SOMEONE WHO'LL ALWAYS BE THERE. FOR SOMEONE WHO I CAN BE ALWAYS THERE FOR.
I LOVE YOU KARATE.
AND FUCK, FUCKING HELL, IM A FUCKING SHIT, I LOVE YOU, KATE.
I'm so, so sorry.
I've ruined everything.